Talking to your partner about sex - How to Improve Communication with Your Sexual Partner
How important is it to communicate with your sexual partner?
It might often be easy to think that sex is an act that comes naturally to most creatures on this planet. So, how difficult can it be to have sex right? While it’s true that sex is mostly a non-verbal act, it’s very important to establish open, honest and comfortable lines of communication with your sexual partner to be able to have an amazing sex life full of satisfaction.
It’s easy to expect your partner to be a mind-reader, but that’s actually very difficult in real life to achieve. Healthy, honest conversations about sex not only leads to a more fulfilled sex life where both parties are gaining equally out of it but also ensure that you get to know more about your sexuality and what are the things that please you.
What if it makes you awkward to talk about sex?
If you grew up in a very conservative environment that discouraged any talk regarding dating, relationships and sexuality, then it can be quite easy to develop reservations regarding conversations about sex. You may feel awkward initiating or even partaking in discussions about it, even with your sexual partner.
But, once you understand the importance of open communication about your sex life, it becomes important to find ways to engage in conversations about sex and everything you can do to improve or maintain your intimate sessions. With a little practice and the right approach, you’ll become better at communicating your needs in no time.
So, how do you improve communication with your sexual partner?
The first and foremost thing you need to do is learn about your own sexuality and understand what works for you and what doesn’t. Until you know that, you will not be able to have effective communication. After figuring it out yourself, you can proceed to talk to your partner using the following tips.
- Pick the right moments to begin a conversation - It can often be a turn off to interrupt in the middle of sex to begin a conversation. Not to mention, it can even render your partner awkward and little to no result will come out of it. If it’s a problem you need to address, wait for when you’re both feeling relaxed and are in a comfortable place with no distractions around. You can begin to approach the topic by first bringing up sex in general and slowly easing into the conversation. If you want to address something that you liked and want more of, or in general something you want to try out, follow the same approach and maybe refer to an article about it if that feels more comfortable to you.
- Be open about your desires in bed - Even if it doesn’t come to you in a day, you have to start talking more about sex in general till you get to the point where you are comfortable sharing your desires with your partner. Try hinting at a movie scene or something you read that made you want to try it out with them. Make them feel like you trust them enough to share your preferences with them and they will be encouraged to strive to please you.
- Always ask your partner what will improve intimacy for them - Remember that sex is a two-way street and your partner may also be uncomfortable talking about what they want in bed. Try asking them about what they like in bed in order to start a conversation around it which gets to the point where you’re both discussing your fantasies and desires and even what you do not prefer at all so that healthy boundaries are established.
- Don’t be scared to drop non-verbal cues of pleasure - This goes for when you are actually doing the deed. If your partner does something that you enjoy, express it with your body language by either moaning or giving positive reactions. This will help them understand that you enjoy this sort of thing and will encourage them to do more of what you actually enjoy.
- Avoid making direct accusations - If you are trying to address something that you want but are not getting enough of, or you would like them to do something differently, avoid charging them with how much you don’t like what they are doing or how they don’t do enough of something. Instead, try leading the conversation with how much you enjoyed something the last time you people did it, or how you were wondering if you could try out something different instead of what you are already doing. This will keep the tone of the conversation positive and encouraging and will make your partner want to meet your needs.
- Practice talking dirty if you’re both into it - If you are both up for it, try talking “dirty” or in a sexually explicit manner. It may not happen in a day, but slowly you can build up to it. It will not only make you more open to your sexuality but also make sexual communication with your partner very easy.
- Try watching porn or erotica together - If you are both okay with viewing sexually explicit materials, try doing it together. It will help get you both in the mood and also open lines of communication where you can point out something you enjoy watching and would like to try. Just make sure the entire process is voluntary and you are not forcing anyone to watch something they are not comfortable with.
Talk about previous times you’ve been intimate - This is a great way to start talking about sex more openly. Try bringing up incidents of past times you were intimate together, and talk about how much you enjoyed something, or how you would like to have incorporated something into it. Once you start doing it, talking freely about sex will come naturally to you eventually.
How will better communication help your sex life?
As you improve your skills of talking about what you like and don’t like in bed with your partner, you will start understanding each other’s likes and dislikes better. This will have a direct impact on your relationship and intimacy because you will be more comfortable with each other and also will be more equipped with how and what satisfies you both. And slowly, but surely, your sex life will improve massively.
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